She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
