Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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