The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
