my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
