I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
