She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
