We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
