ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
