I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
