I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
