my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
