you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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