unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am one with the molecules
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
