Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
