I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
