You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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