So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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