worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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