They should really pass out barf bags in church
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
