We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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