oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
