Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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