a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
