i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
