Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
time to smoke my breakfast
is wine microwaveable?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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