it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
