Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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