hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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