i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
