hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
