And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
