Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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