he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Terrible idea I love it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
