Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
