I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
