Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
