Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
