I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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