i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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