yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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