I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
