I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
