i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
