my mouth tastes like poor choices
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
