She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
