this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
