There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
