remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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