i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
