we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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