I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
