How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
