I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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