Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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