It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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