lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
