im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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