If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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