i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
