i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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