If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He felt like a one man threesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
