I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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