I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
