Four minutes until I can fart!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
