There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
MIDGETS
????
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
