May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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