my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hippo gnu deer
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize