oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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