I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
