I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
