Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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