So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
